Some signs you're in a dead-end relationship


All relationships take hard work and go through rocky patches.
And when you have invested time and energy into a relationship, you want it to work out, regardless of how bad things have become.
But this means it can be hard to recognise when a relationship is failing and when you should let go.
So what are the signs of a dead-end relationship? We ask the experts for practical tips to guide you through.

Lack of respect


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    Respect plays a vital role in a relationship because it shows that each person understands the other and doesn't charge through boundaries.
If one of you constantly belittles or questions what the other says and does, then 'a boundary violation is occurring,' warns Annie Bennett, psychotherapist and author of The Love Trap.
'Behaviour like this is a sign that one person has stopped acknowledging the other's values and no longer accepts that person for who they are.'
This is bad news because without respect, love alone can't hold a relationship together.

What to do

  • Tell your partner how their actions are making you feel.
  • Suggest you both limit teasing, listen more actively and be more positive towards each other.
  • If your partner doesn't see a problem, you're at a dead end.

No time for each other


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    Channelling much of your free time into something that's not connected to your partner is a sign you've lost interest in your relationship. No partnership can survive without a time investment from both sides.
'Excessive commitment to distractions that take a person away from giving energy to a relationship is another sign that your relationship is stuck and in need of help,' says psychotherapist Annie Bennett.
Distractions could include anything from hobbies and sport to computer games.

What to do

  • Set aside time for each other every day. Do this in a clear and structured way.
  • It may not be spontaneous, but having a plan and sticking to it shows you want to work things out.
  • If you or your partner won't commit the time, it's a sign that you're at a stalemate.

  • Incompatible goals

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    You want more children, he doesn't. He wants marriage, you don't. You'd like to live abroad, he wants to stay put.
Incompatible goals in a relationship can be as vast as these or as small as one of you wanting to spend more time together and your partner wanting more space.
In some cases, having mismatched goals is a sign you need to be more open with each other and improving communication can be enough to put things back on track.
In other situations, they are a sign of problems that cannot be overcome.
Ultimately, it comes down to whether you can find a middle ground that you're both happy with.

What to do

'What's important is not to focus on persuading the other to come around to your point of view, but to work out whether or not you can find a compromise together that makes you both happy,' says relationship counsellor Tracey Williams.
If you do find a compromise, make sure you're both behind it 100 per cent. Otherwise, a blame game will start further down the line that will bring your relationship to an end.

Boredom reigns


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    You're fed up, you have nothing to say to each other and have fallen into a routine worthy of a couple who have been together forty years or more.
Relationship counsellor Tracey Williams says: 'All relationships go through a stagnant stage, partly because developing a routine with a partner is comforting in the early stages of a relationship.
'If the routine lasts too long and couples don't make an effort to change the status quo on a regular basis, boredom will set in.'

What to do

'Stuck in a rut means changes need to be made,' says psychotherapist Annie Bennett. Think about finding new interests or challenges together.
'Try to introduce variety across different areas of your life. Go to new places to eat, try new ways of being together and turn off distractions when you're together - the TV, computer, mobile phones - and start talking.'
If you or your partner are not interested in making changes, this is a sign that your relationship may have run its course.
Bickering and fighting

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    relationship'Arguing all the time doesn't necessarily mean your relationship has hit a dead end. It depends on what you're arguing about and the nature of your fights,' says relationship counsellor Tracey Williams.
Constant petty bickering tends to be a habit couples fall into to avoid larger, more painful issues.
Angry and abusive fights show that consideration and thoughtfulness have disappeared from your relationship.

What to do

'If your relationship has become abusive, it's time to call it a day,' advises Annie Bennett.
For constant bickerers, take a break from the fighting by calling a truce and see if you can stick to it for a week.
No desire to call a ceasefire? Then you're at a dead end and it's unlikely the relationship can be saved.

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