Some signs you're in a dead-end relationship


All relationships take hard work and go through rocky patches.
And when you have invested time and energy into a relationship, you want it to work out, regardless of how bad things have become.
But this means it can be hard to recognise when a relationship is failing and when you should let go.
So what are the signs of a dead-end relationship? We ask the experts for practical tips to guide you through.

Lack of respect


NatMag - dead end relationship Respect plays a vital role in a relationship because it shows that each person understands the other and doesn't charge through boundaries.
If one of you constantly belittles or questions what the other says and does, then 'a boundary violation is occurring,' warns Annie Bennett, psychotherapist and author of The Love Trap.
'Behaviour like this is a sign that one person has stopped acknowledging the other's values and no longer accepts that person for who they are.'
This is bad news because without respect, love alone can't hold a relationship together.

What to do

  • Tell your partner how their actions are making you feel.
  • Suggest you both limit teasing, listen more actively and be more positive towards each other.
  • If your partner doesn't see a problem, you're at a dead end.

No time for each other


Getty Images - dead end relationship Channelling much of your free time into something that's not connected to your partner is a sign you've lost interest in your relationship. No partnership can survive without a time investment from both sides.
'Excessive commitment to distractions that take a person away from giving energy to a relationship is another sign that your relationship is stuck and in need of help,' says psychotherapist Annie Bennett.
Distractions could include anything from hobbies and sport to computer games.

What to do

  • Set aside time for each other every day. Do this in a clear and structured way.
  • It may not be spontaneous, but having a plan and sticking to it shows you want to work things out.
  • If you or your partner won't commit the time, it's a sign that you're at a stalemate.

  • Incompatible goals

Getty Images - dead end relationship You want more children, he doesn't. He wants marriage, you don't. You'd like to live abroad, he wants to stay put.
Incompatible goals in a relationship can be as vast as these or as small as one of you wanting to spend more time together and your partner wanting more space.
In some cases, having mismatched goals is a sign you need to be more open with each other and improving communication can be enough to put things back on track.
In other situations, they are a sign of problems that cannot be overcome.
Ultimately, it comes down to whether you can find a middle ground that you're both happy with.

What to do

'What's important is not to focus on persuading the other to come around to your point of view, but to work out whether or not you can find a compromise together that makes you both happy,' says relationship counsellor Tracey Williams.
If you do find a compromise, make sure you're both behind it 100 per cent. Otherwise, a blame game will start further down the line that will bring your relationship to an end.

Boredom reigns


Getty Images - dead end relationship You're fed up, you have nothing to say to each other and have fallen into a routine worthy of a couple who have been together forty years or more.
Relationship counsellor Tracey Williams says: 'All relationships go through a stagnant stage, partly because developing a routine with a partner is comforting in the early stages of a relationship.
'If the routine lasts too long and couples don't make an effort to change the status quo on a regular basis, boredom will set in.'

What to do

'Stuck in a rut means changes need to be made,' says psychotherapist Annie Bennett. Think about finding new interests or challenges together.
'Try to introduce variety across different areas of your life. Go to new places to eat, try new ways of being together and turn off distractions when you're together - the TV, computer, mobile phones - and start talking.'
If you or your partner are not interested in making changes, this is a sign that your relationship may have run its course.
Bickering and fighting

NatMag - dead end relationship'Arguing all the time doesn't necessarily mean your relationship has hit a dead end. It depends on what you're arguing about and the nature of your fights,' says relationship counsellor Tracey Williams.
Constant petty bickering tends to be a habit couples fall into to avoid larger, more painful issues.
Angry and abusive fights show that consideration and thoughtfulness have disappeared from your relationship.

What to do

'If your relationship has become abusive, it's time to call it a day,' advises Annie Bennett.
For constant bickerers, take a break from the fighting by calling a truce and see if you can stick to it for a week.
No desire to call a ceasefire? Then you're at a dead end and it's unlikely the relationship can be saved.
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Female Masturbation


  To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way.
This can be done by hand, or with sex aids – some highly-sexed women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together.
And a tiny minority of women can do it with no genital contact at all, but simply through caressing their breasts.
Such stimulation often leads to orgasm, but not invariably, as many women enjoy stroking themselves and experiencing pleasure that does not necessarily culminate in a climax.
Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age. Women tend to start masturbation later however, and it doesn't tend to be such an automatic activity as it is for most men and boys.
Furthermore, even once a woman has learned to masturbate, she will probably do it less than the average man – and it seems that far fewer women than men do it regularly.
Various people have speculated on why this is the case. But most agree that it is to do with basic sex drive.
It does appear that if you compare the sex drive of an average young woman and an average young man, then the man is likely to be the more highly sexed of the two. This is partly because a woman's fluctuating hormones tend to mean that her desire for sex is not as constant as a man's is.
Another reason for masturbation being less important to women than men is that a man's sexual apparatus is all outside his body and he's focused on the pleasure his penis provides him from a very young age.
Women's sex organs are less obvious.
For example, the clitoris – which is the main organ of pleasure in most women – is hidden away under the labia. Also, though this is less the case now than it used to be, girls have traditionally been brought up to be more modest and secretive about their bodies.
Even so, many young women nowadays will enjoy masturbation prior to experiencing love play or intercourse with a partner. But vast numbers of females do not discover masturbation till their late teens – and some never do it at all.

Is masturbation a good thing?

Years ago, girls were told that masturbation was an 'immature' activity and that it was important not to get too fixated on it. If you did, you might be unable to progress to 'proper' lovemaking with a man.
Most experts now regard this sort of advice as nonsense.
Indeed, most clinicians and counsellors working in the world of sex and/or relationship therapy believe that a woman can learn a great deal about her own sexual response through masturbation, and that she can then pass on what she knows to any partner – male or female – she may have.
So, masturbation should not be regarded as immature or shameful. It's something that most normally-sexed women do. They may reserve it for when they feel in need of a treat, or they may do it very regularly – even when they're in a relationship.
Some women choose to masturbate in order to ease abdominal cramps during their periods. Others only ever do it if they feel seriously frustrated. And yet others do it both privately and also as part of the loveplay they share with their partners. All this is normal.

What's the best way for women to have an orgasm?

If you don't know exactly what it is you like or what it takes for you to reach orgasm, it's a good idea to practise on your own.
For some people the very idea of stimulating themselves can seem worrying, or unappealing, or something to be ashamed of. It's a good idea if women can rid themselves of these feelings.
Masturbation is a great way to lessen tension in your body. It's a very safe way to have an orgasm. And it's probably the best way to learn about how your body likes to be loved. But masturbation, like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about your own sexual response is to try it.
If you have never tried masturbation, or you want to do it in such a way that will be more pleasurable and satisfying than it has been in the past, you might need to plan how and when to do it, rather than leave it to chance.
For a start, you need to ensure that you're going to have adequate time to yourself and that you won't be interrupted.
  • Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap your body all over and enjoy touching your breasts and your genitals in particular.
  • Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over your body. Keep touching your body everywhere – it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. This is your body – a body capable of giving you great pleasure – so enjoy looking at it and getting used to the sight and feel of it.
  • At this point, as long as you know that you're in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself.
  • Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a spot of lubrication There are very nice modern ones that increase the sensuouness of the occasion – such as Wet, Liquid Silk and Pjur. But if you don't have any lubrication, use saliva.
  • Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis.
  • If you find it difficult to know whether you're doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you'll be able to feel whether you're tightening and relaxing the muscles or not. Many women much prefer masturbation if they can feel some bulk in the vagina at the same time as they stimulate the clitoris – so touching yourself internally might feel very good indeed.
  • If you now tighten and relax the muscles in rapid succession you will feel contractions of the kind that many women experience when having an orgasm.
  • You might also notice a warm sensation in your abdomen. Try touching yourself all over your body, including the breasts and your genitals where you will quickly find the most sensitive spots. In particular, experiment near the opening of the vagina and clitoris and stimulate yourself in whatever way feels best. So long as you do not rush, and you are keeping relaxed, then your own fingers will automatically do the right thing and will move with the right amount of speed and intensity for you.
  • Try to familiarise yourself with exactly how touching yourself makes you feel. Ignore everything around you. Just think about what is going on inside you, or fantasise about making love with someone you care for, or with a celebrity, or in some gorgeous and romantic place.
  • While you touch yourself, you might like to look at something that turns you on – pictures, perhaps, a film; even a sexy book. Interestingly, men and women differ somewhat in what they find arousing. Most men like graphic pictures of sexy women or of people having sex. Women are frequently much more turned on by words – so an erotic novel can often increase a woman's pleasure.
  • If, as is likely, your sexual tension rises, keep going. If you have never previously masturbated to orgasm, you might suddenly feel tired and want to stop. Or you may be nervous about the build up of excitement in your body. Don't worry about this. Just take your time. And if you don't want to go on right now, then that's fine. You can always try again another day. Eventually, the pleasant feelings will build up and you’ll be comfortable with this and increasingly excited and you won't want to stop. When that happens, you will almost certainly suddenly experience a huge rush of ecstatic feeling and you will bring yourself to orgasm.
  • For some women, it's not enough to just use their fingers – they like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be useful, or you could try stimulating yourself with the hand spray when you are in the shower. Use your fingers at the same time.
  • If they follow the guidelines above, almost everyone should be able to learn to masturbate and have an orgasm. But remember, these are only guidelines. Experiment, and you may well find a better way to turn yourself on.
Like other sexual activity, masturbation can be improved by varying how you do it.
This is particularly true for women who are between relationships and for whom masturbation is the sole sexual activity at that period in their lives.
Most women find that their fingers do the trick wonderfully – as they instinctively match their speed or weight to our requirements. But a vibrator can help someone who finds it hard to get to orgasm and can also be useful as a change from digital masturbation.
When it comes to vibrators, don't necessarily assume that something that is a market-leader is necessarily going to be the best thing for you. It might not be. We all have different likes and dislikes.
And do remember that not all vibrators now look like lurid penises! Some are quite different nowadays.
Buying vibrators and other sex aids including lubrication and erotic literature is now much easier for women than it was in the past as there are a number of online sex shops run by women for women that are a pleasure to shop in.
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How to help your female partner have orgasms


 What is a female orgasm?

We're writing this explanation in the assumption that you – the reader – are male. But what follows will be of interest to a lot of female readers too.
What happens in a woman's body during a climax is very like what happens in your (male) body when you ejaculate. In other words, there's a feeling of increasing excitement, building up to a point where everything 'blows' in a great blast of ecstasy. This 'orgasmic moment' is characterised by surges of contractions in the sex organs, occurring almost every 0.8 seconds.
Men are well aware that these throbs of pleasure are accompanied by the pumping out of spurts of seminal fluid. Obviously this doesn't happen in women.
A few females do produce some fluid at orgasm, but the impression given in so many erotic stories that most women 'ejaculate' is not correct. Only a minority of females do this.

Multiple orgasm

The other big difference between male and female orgasm is this: after the first climax, many women can 'come' again, often within a minute or two.
This ability is extremely rare in males. Relatively few young women can achieve multiple orgasm, because it's an ability that usually has to be learned. But with the help of a skilled lover, most women can eventually achieve the capacity for multiple orgasms – if they so desire.

Bringing women to a climax

For men perhaps the most important thing to realise about female climaxes is that with women, it's not a mechanical thing – as it generally is with men.
You see, most males will ejaculate quite quickly if they have their penises rubbed. This applies even if the circumstances aren't very romantic – or even if they don't particularly like the person who's doing the rubbing! Women are not like this. Female orgasm isn't a push-button response. The conditions have to be right.
Although females vary, many women need the following if they're going to reach a climax easily:
  • a romantic atmosphere
  • pleasant, comfortable surroundings
  • a partner who they really like
  • a feeling of being wanted and appreciated
  • a good flow of natural lubrication - so that the delicate female parts don't get sore
  • a skilled partner who knows how to stimulate the clitoris.
Unless you can provide the above, you are not going to have great success in giving your partner orgasms.
Please bear in mind that – contrary to what many men think – sexual intercourse by itself is not likely to produce an orgasm. This is because intercourse alone is not very good at stimulating the woman's clitoris. Nearly all females need additional stimulation of the clitoris by fingers or mouth.
So, try not to give the impression to your female partner that she ‘ought’ to be able to climax through intercourse alone and that that is what you think of as ‘proper sex’. The sex menu can be a varied one. Some women, for example, find it really easy to climax through oral sex – particularly if the guy is patient and sensitive to what his partner wants. And how does he find out what she wants and what turns her on? Well, a wise man will ask her.
What he should not do is to assume that his technique is flawless and that if his partner does not come, it’s her fault. Plenty of men think that because a previous girlfriend always came a certain way, this one should follow suit. Women are not all the same in their likes or dislikes. So do try to treat your partner as an individual.
Many women like much more foreplay or loveplay than men imagine. They want to feel that the man is keen on giving pleasure – and not just in a hurry to have his own climax. In fact, the worst thing a man can say to a woman is: ‘Haven’t you come yet?’ This is likely to make her feel extremely inadequate and will ruin any build-up of sexual pleasure and tension that might have been taking place.

What to do

In summary, here's what to do if you want to bring your partner to orgasm regularly:
  1. don't be in a rush.
  2. don't be too demanding – it's not an Olympic event.
  3. talk to your partner, and ask her what she wants you to do to her.
  4. always create a romantic atmosphere.
  5. make sure that everything is comfortable and nice for her.
  6. give her lots of kisses and cuddles before you even think about making any approach to her sexual area.
  7. when you do start to stroke, rub or kiss her genitals, don't rush into 'attacking' her clitoris. Take things gently, and see what she wants.
  8. use her own natural lubrication to moisten her clitoris. (If she is over 40, it may be a good idea to use some additional lubrication from a chemist or a sex shop).
  9. remember that stimulation of the clitoris is the key to female orgasm.
  10. sometimes encourage her to 'run' your sex sessions. You can learn a lot by watching how she stimulates herself or by really listening to her when she suggests a sex position, or a particular caress.
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Female ejaculation


Jan Mammey/STOCK4B/Getty - female ejaculation
What is female ejaculation?


Female ejaculation is a controversial subject.
Female ejaculation is a phenomenon in which fluid shoots out of the vulva or vagina at the moment of orgasm. It is sometimes known as 'she-jaculation'. You may have heard the terms 'gushing' or 'squirting'.
It's a controversial subject, not least because pornography writers (most of whom are male) have repeatedly suggested that all women ejaculate at orgasm. This is completely untrue!
Even today, erotic novels tend to give the impression that every woman produces a jet of fluid when she climaxes – just like a man. As a result, some younger males are puzzled if their partner doesn't.

How common is female ejaculation?

The reality is female ejaculation isn't all that common. Some women do it once in a lifetime, but never again.
The actual percentage of females who ejaculate is uncertain. However, in Masters and Johnson's famous lab experiments with over 400 women, they did not record anyone who ejaculated at climax.
Nevertheless, the experience of gynaecologists and family planning doctors indicates there is a substantial minority of women who ejaculate regularly.
One of the more convincing assessments is that of Stanislav Kratochvil (1994), who found that about 6 per cent of Czech women reported ejaculating. Agony aunts certainly get many anguished emails from females who are deeply embarrassed by the fact they wet the bed when they come.
Agony aunts, too, get many anguished emails from females who are deeply embarrassed by the fact they wet the bed when they come.

How much fluid is produced?

I have heard claims that highly-sexed women can produce litres of fluid in a single orgasm. This seems very unlikely – after all, where could such an amount be stored in the female body?
More realistic is the estimate of Beverley Whipple, American sex guru and co-author of the original G-spot book. At a recent conference, she told me that in most cases, the amount of fluid secreted is usually around 'half a coffee cupful'.

What effect does it have on women?

When a woman first discovers that she suddenly drenches the sheets when she climaxes, it's natural for her to feel anxious and embarrassed.
And because most women initially think the fluid they produce is urine, they may assume what they are doing is 'dirty' or 'nasty'.
Their feelings are – quite understandably – linked to childhood prohibitions about not wetting the bed.
Unsurprisingly, quite a lot of these women tend to go through life avoiding sexual relations with other people.
Some have the unfortunate experience of going to bed with men who react negatively when they climax – but that is not the reaction of most males.

Is female ejaculation caused by urine leakage?

Until the 1980s, most doctors who were aware of the phenomenon of ejaculation used to assume the fluid must be urine. As a treatment, they would tend to recommend exercises to build up the pelvic muscles.
And many women do leak a little urine during sex and during other activities as well. This is called 'stress incontinence' and it happens to vast numbers of females when they sneeze, cough or laugh. It is particularly common in those who have had children.
However, when urine leaks during sex, it's often during foreplay or vigorous intercourse rather than at orgasm.
In 1982 the publication of a highly influential book by US sex experts Whipple, Perry and Ladas changed these views. They suggested the fluid wasn't urine, but was instead a 'juice' secreted by glands that were said to be the equivalent of the male prostate.

What research has been done on the fluid?

There hasn't been enough research on the fluid (ejaculate) – partly because it's difficult to obtain adequate supplies of it for investigation. Also, large scientific funds tend to be available for life-threatening diseases rather than for sexual problems.
However, recent research suggests the ejaculate is an alkaline liquid that isn't like urine, because it doesn't contain urea or creatinine, which are normal urinary constituents.
The fluid tends to be clear coloured and doesn't stain bedclothes yellow – again, unlike urine.
Researchers have claimed that it contains some chemical ingredients similar to those produced by the male prostate – notably PSA (prostate-specific antigen). It is also said to contain two sugars: glucose and fructose.
Since 2000, an increasing number of researchers have suggested the liquid may be the secretion of Skene's glands (the paraurethral glands). These are tiny structures which lie around the female urethra (the urinary pipe).
In 2007, the well-known Viennese researcher Dr Florian Wimpissinger published an important study on two women who habitually ejaculated. He and his colleagues found that the ejaculate from these two females was chemically very different from that of their urine.
In particular, it contained more prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP), more prostate-specific antigen (PSA), and also some glucose.

Is female ejaculation connected with the G-spot?

A vast amount of material on the internet suggests there is such a phenomenon as a G-spot orgasm, which is likely to be accompanied by a gush of fluid from the urethra.
The G-spot is said to be an erotic zone at the front of the vagina, and this area is intimately connected with the urethra. Indeed, pressure on the G-spot area will invariably produce a desire to pee.
There is no doubt that pressing on the area of the G-spot would affect the above-mentioned Skene's glands, which are said by some to be the source of female ejaculate.
However, much of what has been written over the last 25 years about the alleged link between the G-spot and female ejaculation is unscientific and has not be proven.
For example, there is no clear evidence that pressure on your G-spot will make you produce female ejaculatory fluid.

What does this mean for women?

It's now evident that a substantial minority of women do ejaculate when they climax. This could be urine in some cases, but in other cases it seems that it isn't.
Clearly, much more research needs to be done on the contentious subject of female ejaculation, and on the nature of the fluid.
Finally, women who experience ejaculation should realise that they needn’t feel ashamed of it, and that many partners have a very positive attitude towards it.
In other words, a lot of males like it. After all, if a woman ejaculates, the man may well regard it as a tribute to his virility and skill in bed!
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penis size small Oh ! Don't Worry


   In the last few years, it has become apparent that the average man's penis is not as long as had been thought previously.
For decades, medical books and articles in the press have confidently stated that penile length is generally about 6.5 inches (16.5 centimetres).
As a result, a lot of males who are slightly shorter than this have felt rather inadequate.
However, it now seems that the statistics on which this 'average' was based could well have a serious flaw. It is this: the figure was originally calculated by collecting measurements that men had carried out themselves!
Self-measurement of this sort is notoriously unreliable.
Why? Because so many males don't know where to measure from or use inaccurate rulers or ancient tape measures.
Also, there's probably a tendency for guys to round their 'scores' upwards, in an attempt to make themselves sound better-endowed. And the results tend to be skewed by people who falsely claim to be 10 or 11 inches long.
In recent times, a number of scientists have attempted to obtain more reliable figures, by the simple expedient of employing a trained person to carry out the measurement of each man.
And the results, which they have produced, seem to indicate that the average adult male is considerably shorter than had been thought.
In reality, the mean length of the erect penis appears to be only about 5.88 inches (14.9 centimetres), which is considerably less than the 'old' measurement.
Does all this matter?
If you're a woman, you probably think that this concern about fractions of an inch is rather silly.
But if you're a man, you will know that such matters are – somewhat irrationally – of considerable importance to many males.

Why do men worry about length?

Even in this supposedly enlightened century, men fret about penis size and especially length.
Though the vast majority of guys have more than enough bulk and length to perform well as lovers, there's a widespread masculine obsession that 'more would be better'. So, we get a constant flow of emails and letters from males who are worried that they are 'too small'.
Companies who advertise penis-enlarging creams and pills on the internet make vast sums of money by exploiting this obsession. But other than surgery, there's nothing that's clinically proven to increase penis size.
Any woman reading this article may find it puzzling that so many men are concerned about the length of their penis and wish they had 'just a couple of inches more'. But that's the way that a lot of men are.

Size matters

To the average man, his penis is, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most important things in the whole world. At an early age he discovers it and immediately becomes fascinated by it.
But then a note of uncertainty enters his mind: 'Isn't mine rather small?' Look at Dad's, look at big brother's, look at those in the men's changing room – and he asks himself if he will ever be as big as that.
And so he goes on through life, always a tiny bit sensitive about the size of his organ, always convinced that it would be nicer if it were just that little bit longer.
No matter how often it's written that penile size doesn't matter, and that women aren't attracted to a man because of the length of his organ, many males continues to think the same way.
The average female cannot understand this obsession with penile measurement. So if you're a woman, never belittle a man's penis in bed, even as a joke, or say anything to indicate that you think it's small. The guy may take you seriously, and if he does, he'll be deeply hurt.
We have known men who have gone on to have problems with impotence (erectile dysfunction) after someone made an unthinking remark about their dimensions. But almost all of these men had a perfectly normal male organ. Each one just thought he was very small compared with other guys.
It is also worth noting two points about women.
  1. Some women really dislike the idea of a large penis and may be frightened by one that is too long.
  2. Some women are much more impressed by the thickness of a penis, rather than its length. This is because some females like the sense of feeling stretched round the entrance to the vagina – so if a guy is quite broad at the base of his penis, this can feel very exciting and satisfying to such women.

A question of perspective

The trouble is that every man sees his own penis in a foreshortened view. The angle at which you look down inevitably makes your penis seem shorter than it is.
But when you glance at another man's organ, there's no such foreshortening effect, so very often it'll look as though the other guy is slightly better endowed.
A lifetime of comparison of this sort (and virtually every male does a quick mental check on each naked man he sees) can easily make you feel a bit inadequate. But it's important to realise the facts about penis length.

Average penis length

Measuring the penis when it isn't erect is pointless, since the length and bulk are affected by various temporary factors, such as the ambient temperature. Even the largest male organ can shrink to virtually nothing if the man goes for a swim in cold water.
However, at normal temperatures a non-erect penis usually measures between 8.5cm and 10.5cm (3-4 inches) from tip to base.
The average figure is about 9.5cm (3.75 inches).
Of course, it's true that some men have big penises and some have smaller ones, just as some men have small feet and some have big feet, but the measurement is not – repeat not – an index of virility.
Most people think that a tall man will usually have a large penis, but this is not entirely true. The distinguished American researchers Masters and Johnson measured the penile lengths of more than 300 men.
  • The longest organ was 14 cm (5.5 inches) in the flaccid state. It belonged to a slim man who was 5' 7" tall (170 cm).
  • The shortest penis measured 6cm (2.25 inches). It belonged to a fairly heavily built man of 5' 11" (180cm).
It's also worth pointing out that there is no correlation between penile size and race.

Average size of erections

We've talked about the length of the penis in its ordinary non-erect state, but how long is it be when it's erect?
Interestingly, most penises are very much the same size when erect.
  • The man whose non-erect penis is smallish will usually achieve about a 100 per cent increase in length during sexual excitement.
  • The man whose non-erect penis is on the largish size will probably manage about a 75 per cent increase.
So you can see that even if a man has got a 'small' penis, he's got a built-in compensating factor that will bring him up to about the same size as the guy who appears to be 'better equipped' in the shower room.
As we've already said, the average penis is now known to be appreciably shorter than was traditionally thought. Most authorities now say that the mean length of the erect male organ is between 5.1 inches (12.9 centimetres) and 5.9 inches (15 centimetres).
One of the most accurate and scientific pieces of research on this subject was carried out in Mexico behalf of LifeStyles condoms. Under the supervision of a doctor, four trained health professionals measured the erect penises of 300 men (who were mostly young Americans).
They found that the average length was 5.877 inches (14.93 centimetres) – far less than the figure which had been generally quoted in the past.
A review published in the British Journal of Urology in 2007 broadly confirmed this finding.

Sex and women

Many men forget that it doesn't matter how long or how short your penis is, because the vagina will accommodate itself to virtually any length.
  • The vagina of a woman who hasn't had a child is only 7.5cm (3 inches) long when she's not sexually excited. The figures for women who have had babies are only slightly different.
  • Even when aroused, a woman's vagina usually extends only to a length of about 10cm (about 4 inches).
This means any man's penis will fill her vagina completely, unless you happen to be one of those rare guys with an erect penile length of less than four inches.
You're probably now wondering how the average man with an erection of six inches manages to insert his penis into the vagina at all.
But fortunately, the vagina has the most remarkable capacity for lengthening if something is introduced into it gradually.
So the exceptional man whose erect penis is eight inches long can still make love to any woman, providing he excites her properly and introduces his organ very slowly. If he does this, her vagina will lengthen by 150 or 200 per cent to accommodate him.

What if I'm not happy about my penis size?

If you're really worried that your penis is the wrong size, go and see your doctor.
If you're not happy about consulting your GP on such an intimate matter, you could see one of the medics who spend their entire day checking men's penises. You can find these doctors at:
  • private 'well-man' clinics, but take care: a few of these are run by quacks
  • NHS urology clinics
  • NHS sexual health or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics
  • Brook advisory clinics (for the under 25s).

What treatments are there to increase penis size?

Many companies claim they know how to enlarge your penis – for a very high price.
We have recently been to several medical conferences at which leading experts have spoken about penis size and penis enlargement.
Their opinions on the various methods that are so widely advertised to the public can be summed up as follows.
  • Pills or patches for increasing penis size: a complete waste of time.
  • Penile enlargement surgery: of uncertain value and sometimes dangerous.
  • Penile enlargement exercises: probably pretty futile.
  • Penile suction devices: probably of little use.

Surgery to increase penis size

A number of private clinics now offer operations that claim to make the penis look bigger. The expense of this type of surgery is very great and there is a risk of complications like bleeding, infection or deformity.
One surgical procedure that has become popular in the early years of this century is slicing through the ligament that supports the penis.
This makes the penis dangle more, so it looks longer when not erect. But it will make no difference to the size of your erection – and furthermore it probably won't come up as high as it used to before the op.
Another type of surgery involves injecting your own fat into your penis to make it more bulky. This may not work, and it can lead to complications.
We recommend that you do not agree to undergo any surgery unless you have seen an NHS consultant urologist who feels that you really need penis enlargement surgery.
Please note that a recent (2006) study from the Institute of Urology in London found that about 70 per cent of men who had undergone penis-lengthening surgery were dissatisfied with the results.

Penis stretchers (extenders)

Some urologists are beginning to use a special extending frame to try to stretch the penis.
These 'stretchers' are small rectangular frames that you wear on your penis for hours at a time, every day. They pull your organ out to its maximum length, and the idea is that it will gradually remain longer.
The devices are said to be undetectable under trousers.
There have been several reports from Italy and Spain by surgeons who claim a modest degree of improvement in length from this kind of traction.
We don't think these devices are some sort of miracle discovery, but one surgeon reported that a group of men achieved an average increase in length of 1.8cm after using the device daily for four months. This is less than three-quarters of an inch, but for some men this would be significant.
Stretchers cost between £150 and £200.

What treatments are there to reduce penis size?

Very occasionally, a man with a big penis feels that he wants it reduced in size. This can be done, but there is quite a risk that the operation might go wrong.
Again, we advise you not to have this operation unless an NHS consultant urologist has said it's necessary. This would be very rare

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